Throughout my life, I have struggled with my right to exist and to be located. I have longed for a minimum level of safety and security, and have often felt as if I am living in borrowed space.

I am continually faced with an unusual pressure to stay real, whether it is because of my personal life circumstances or the difficulties of the wider world, which is straining for peace or sanity.

I have lived my life straddling two realities: my longing to be an independent, spiritual and loving woman, healer and teacher; and the confines of the society in which I grew up.
These two seemingly separate realities formed a polarity and they somehow generated a source of energy. The essence of my life lay in responding in a non-dual way to the paradoxes that showed up.

My nine years at A Society of Souls (ASOS) have helped me to understand the true nature of freedom. I learned to bind myself to uncertainty, and to develop a new understanding of it. Eventually, uncertainty became my ally rather than an outside threat.

I joined the Teacher Training class at ASOS and, as Teacher Trainees, we were asked to re-write the material of the curriculum. The first year is an inner restructuring, working with one’s preconceptions and opening the self. During this process, I came face to face with my fears, insecurities and resistance; I was determined to be there no matter what. It was not about the teaching any more; I discovered that my life had been on hold for as long as I could remember, and this was a chance to change it.

Engaging with the curriculum at that level, I had to sink deeper and deeper with every part of the material. As I kept allowing both the ‘wisdom’ and the ‘understanding’ of each part into my awareness, embodying them, I began to gain access to the ‘knowledge’ that is at once alive, fresh, credible and real.

The alchemical nature of this process initiated a transformation within my being, making it more coherent. Eventually it became a delightfully creative process, and uncertainty became synonymous with creation.

Occasionally, I would feel as if I was “filling the well with snow”. Yet more often than not, I see myself and you – my fellow companions – as healing presences who return to the “marketplace” with the “intent to help the world not destroy itself”.

Along this path, I will keep on being wildly and unapologetically myself. I hope that in doing so, I might help to make space for others to do the same.